Happy Lighten Up Thursday! We’ve shifted out of the Steps to Success era and are now on the SS Health and Happiness Ship. Today’s stop: relationships. The featured image above is brought to you by the tumblr blog “Boss Bitch Tips”, which an excellent daily source of motivation for young women struggling to be stronger.
Recently, it seems the last batch of people became publicly aware of my decision to terminate my relationship. I’d been a part of it for a little over a year and I asked everyone around me not to plunder the guy with negativity. The decision was exclusively mine. Now, I’m officially comfortable with sharing why I chose to be single and hopefully it inspires those struggling as well.
How many times have you pulled something out of the oven or microwave too soon? You didn’t know it until you took a bite, but it was severely uncooked. I’ve done it plenty of times but what I’m about to tell you is a lot like that so remember that feeling. I’m 23 years old, and I’ve finally just learned what love means to me. A year ago, I had no idea what it meant to love myself but I knew I could still be true to another. I quit my job, pursued my dreams, and became a spokesperson for change. All of this came so unexpectedly. Things completely changed in less than one year. Everything that I thought I knew became something I was learning again.
The scariest thing you can do is change everything that your significant other fell in love with right before their eyes. If these changes don’t match who you used to be, the other becomes confused or worse.. hurt. It’s like going to bed the night before your wedding and waking up beside a complete stranger.
Love is beautiful but so is change. Change is a spontaneous seed that grows when you least expect it. It dares you to be prepared and to embrace it. Rarely are we ever ready.
I sure wasn’t.
Why I Chose to Be Single
When I changed, I learned that stress was huge for me. A lot of my stress was managing my time and my focus. Will I be able to finish my homework in enough time to go out tonight? Space was also a huge thing for me, which is something I’ve never craved. I had lost myself in this love and through depriving my mind of its space, the foundation of who myself and my partner were had become a rocky road. It wasn’t fair. Not to him, and not to myself. So I sat him down and explained my metamorphosis. I explained how to me, change didn’t feel wrong. The discovery of myself would take me getting some space to rediscover and I urged him to do the same. Immediately, he began making changes for himself. He began working out and eating better. It was like through our separation, we both found growth.
Breaking up doesn’t always have to be bad. Sometimes it just means stepping back and understanding the you that you’ve become.
To anyone who feels the same way:
Don’t feel guilty for explaining. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Be conscious of that when you hear their response. Breaking up is not something that is typically taken positively so be prepared for that. Stellar communication and understanding are a huge part of the decision to remain friends. They can help you. Be respectful and vocal. (Also, be aware that those aren’t oxymorons.)
It’s also okay to remain friends but it’s not a requirement. If it’s too difficult for one of you, it’s okay to make the decision that won’t endanger your solidarity.
Lastly, don’t turn back until you’re ready. My business was a huge part of my decision to break up. I needed full focus and splitting time was nearly impossible. A friend of mine took a totally different approach. Absence made his heart grow fonder and he and his lady returned to their natural togetherness in just two weeks. Whatever you choose to do is okay as long as you are honest with yourself and your other.
Take your time.
As Promised, For my ladies:
Here’s a playlist to inspire independent thinking. It’s okay to be single. The playlist is very diverse so feel free to canoodle through it and tell me which ones you guys like!
Unstoppable – Kat Deluna
Feeling Myself – Nicki Minaj Ft. Beyonce
Extraordinary- Mandy Moore
Now I’m that Bitch – Livvi Franc
Private Party – India Arie
Spotless Mind – Jhene Aiko
Q.U.E.E.N – Janelle Monae Ft. Erykah Badu
Pretty Girl Rock – Keri Hilson
Vanity – Christina Aguilera
I am Light – India Arie