They say tragedy strikes at the worst times. You know, something like… “When it rains, it pours.” Well, they weren’t lying. I recently found out that my brother moved to Arkansas and before that, one of my ex-boyfriends got sentenced to prison. Needless to say, that was a rough week. I thought to myself “how could ‘God’ allow such a thing like this to happen to me?” So many downfalls in one week, how can I take this? The truth is… every stressing is a lesson. This lesson was on the truth about love.
After going to visit my ex, I received a letter from him. We didn’t end like most relationships would, in fact, we ended like no relationship I’d ever heard before. We went from completely inseparable to a restraining order. We loved each other but to what extend, we weren’t aware at the time. In his letter, he talked about how my visit motivated him to carry on. In thirty minutes, I had recalled every moment we shared together. He taught me how “into” Justin Bieber I was. He read my first book in a night. He was my first absolutely painful breakup. He was my first real fear. Yet, there we were… in this childlike banter. I wondered to myself… Did I still love him? How could I?
In his letter, he apologized for everything. He wished me a happy birthday (Though it was many months passed) and congratulated me on school. He asked me about everything he could possibly have missed in the time that we hadn’t spoken. He did all of those things.
After I found out about the ex, I drifted into a state of depression. How could I have ever given up on someone who loved me so profusely that even in his darkest hours, he remembered things like my birthday? Suddenly, I remained to myself… I was devastated, content on never leaving the house again. My friendships became split down the middle. There were friends who had dealt with my emotional bouts in the past, who gave me me space and there were friends who had never seen me like this who grew a little wary of my absence. None of these things made me feel loved. I don’t know what I expected but I was not happy with the results. Did I want my friends to pry or did I want my friends to stay away.
What about the ones who were angry? Should I have been mad at them?
That’s when I learned it… The lesson hidden beneath the tragedy.
The Truth about Love.
In my post about what love means to me, I tell you guys that love is a complex being. The truth about it is that you are it. When you’re with someone, you are teaching them to love you. If you weren’t, why would relationships exist? Why would us girls continuously put on makeup on dates and why would guys take us to fancy places? The truth about love is that when we don’t love ourselves, we stop understanding the love that we share with others. Of course I didn’t understand how my friends would react to me closing up… That is a form of rejection. Rejecting love. Of course I couldn’t understand how I could still love someone who I broke it off with, we shared love and unlike a relationship, love is everlasting.
The truth about love is that you may never understand it, but within sharing it with yourself you will learn to share it with others. You will learn how to smile when a person compliments you. You will see the importance of someone remembering your birthday. You will understand why your friends are mad when you turn them away. The truth about love is that you are it. When you love yourself, you are not giving anything to yourself… You are being yourself.
So if you’re a little confused about something you may love…