Hair

Chop Chronicles: Chapter One: The Past Has Passed.

ChWhen I cut my hair, it was because I was tired of being ashamed of what I was going through and who I was. The lack of control and understanding was alarming. I seriously felt as though I was dead. Like, a part of me was still living but the hell if know how. I was doing things I couldn’t control and thinking things I couldn’t un-think. Something about cutting my hair changed that. It’s only been a week, but what a week it’s been.

One of the biggest highlights is that two guys, (Handsome males) on two completely separate occasions kissed the top of my head this week. It’s very moving when you find yourself feeling lost and unattractive, and then someone just takes something as simple as a forehead kiss, moves it up a good few inches, and suddenly you feel less horrible. My biggest fear with cutting my hair was that no one would respect me. Oddly enough, everyone seemed so ridiculously supportive that I felt better about myself immediately.

I feel better. 

What befuddles me is how fast it’s growing back. A week ago, I was completely bald. Today I’m running my hands against the small
waves that have found their way to my head. Right now, all I’m putting in it is olive oil moisturizer and olive oil. I do it once/twice a day, depending on the time of day, and smooth it into my scalp. They say hair grows faster when you shave it completely off, which I don’t doubt at all. I just didn’t expect it to start coming back so easily. Nonetheless, I’m happy.

I can’t wait till it starts hitting all of those short styles.

As far as how I’ve felt lately about it all, I’ve been up and down, but mostly up. I’ve been wearing a lot of earrings and experimenting with the girl-ish side of me. Having this sickly cool fade is really fun to me. Because, now my hair isn’t what accentuates me anymore, so I have to deeply search into the qualities I like most about myself and make them pop. I’ve started rocking a lot of hoop earrings because I mean, I literally went “I have ears!” The other day. Elegant looking dresses, and of course a more girly punk-chic. I’m so used to dressing up like a boy, that it’s weird completely looking like one. So, in order to keep myself from feeling tremendously insecure, I’ve learned creative ways to be able to look in the mirror and say “I’m still me!”

It gets easier everyday coping with such a change. It’s empowering, and listening to my friends and coworkers (Who are so supportive) tell me all the reasons why pulling off a shaved head is awesome when I do it, really makes me proud of that change.

I feel like the negative part of me, the one who lacked control, the one whose problems climbed through the roots of her hair went with the dead follicles of hair. Now much like my crown, I am growing. Wiser, more confident, more strong, with every centimeter returning.

The most asked question I’ve gotten thus far is do I regret what I did? Not even in the slightest. I may have some odd moments of doubt, but I wouldn’t take back the feeling I get waking up and running my fingers across the top of my head, knowing that all the bad is gone, and that my life is starting to follow suit.

This week’s shaved head thought: 

I wonder if this person flirting with me would still be doing it if I just snatched this wig (The wig I wear to work) off. 

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